Shifting Into Neutral

Week Forty-Six

WELCOME! If you are new here, I am Sarah. I took a break from nursing and decided to buy a one way ticket to travel the world solo.

Every week I reflect on where I am at, what I am learning, and music I am listening to among many other fun travel and personal growth topics with some pretty cool pictures.

Thank you for reading and following my journey. Please share, comment, or subscribe if you love travel and the transformation it can bring.

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Where am I?

Andalusia, Spain and the charming city of Vejer de la Frontera.

I am staying in a rural co-living over next month in the very Southern region of Spain. In the coming weeks I will be sharing all about my my wonderful experiences while exploring this part of the world and staying in a rural area.

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My Adventures.

Riding the bus from Malaga to Tarifa was like an explosion of dopamine as I viewed the coastline transitioning from Costa del Sol to Costa de la Luz, passing by the Rock of Gibraltar and seeing Morocco in the distance, excitedly googling if it’s really possible to see Africa from the most Southern part of Spain to give confirmation of what my eyes were seeing. Feeling like I had been transported to the end of the world for the first few hours here. This part of Spain feels special and unique, the energy flows differently here.

My first few days were a warm welcome packed full of settling in, laying on the beach in Tarifa watching the kite surfers, exploring the beautiful city of Vejer, eating Moroccan food, attending a Jazz concert, and sharing meals together with fresh ingredients.

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Kindness I Received From Strangers.

I have been wanting to learn how to drive a manual engine for the past 10 years but never really pushed myself to learn how. While traveling Europe and especially after Greece I decided that if I am going to keep traveling outside of the States and ever want to rent a car, learning how to drive a manual is a must. Most cars here are manual and it’s much cheaper to rent than an automatic. Plus it’s just a good skill to have.

When I showed up to the co-living I decided not to rent a car. There was another traveler staying here, she happily gave me some manual driving lessons within my first few days. She told me it was on her bucket list to teach someone and I told her it was on my bucket list to learn. She was a way better driving instructor than my drivers education teacher at the age of sixteen. It helped me more than I thought it would because as I started learning how to shift gears while driving it started mirroring my own life, feelings, emotions, and nervous system regulation…. and then everything clicked and a realization came blazing through.

A Lesson I Learned.

I learned I have a hard time finding and staying in neutral within my own nervous system and what that feels like in my body and mind. That is why zero productivity and rest is so challenging for me. A lot of days or time periods I’ve been oscillating between anxiety, panic, and fear (especially about the future) to then feeling happy, blissful, and hopeful. Sometimes multiple times per day.

Eat. Sleep. Repeat. No wonder why I feel tired all the time.

My body and mind have been swinging back and forth for many time periods during my life. Learning how to shift into those lower gears felt like that nitty-gritty time period of life when your starting something new, where everything feels foreign and scary, or when you are going through a dark period and have to shift way down to get up the steep hills of hardship. But once you get the hang of the clutch and the gas pedal, getting out of those lower gears starts to get easier. Once you shift all the way up it feels light, fun, and easy. Like coasting down the highway with the music turned up to your favorite song.

Neutral still feels foreign to me, it feels a little scary because I am not going anywhere and am so used to the automatic driving in circles on repeat. Neutral feels like a standstill motion, like there is nothing to do but just wait. Hoping I don’t roll too far forward or too far backwards into something or someone who isn’t meant for me. But also realizing I am the one driving and I can push the clutch in, take my foot off the brake and shift that cute little Fiat into gear to go where ever I want.

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In My Feels.

I am trying hard to lean into getting comfortable with feeling neutral. Neutral feels like waking up feeling content but not overly excited, maybe feeling even a little bit bored sometimes. It feels like taking breaks throughout the day and getting nothing accomplished without any guilt or shame attached. Like a peaceful and deep rest. Neutral feels like wanting something but having the patience to wait for it to come at the right time, but being okay if it never shows up. Feeling neutral does not make me want to panic or rush into shifting into different gears too quickly anymore, I feel more patient and calm in just existing in the standstill.

What I Miss From Home.

Spain has an incredibly kid friendly culture. There are playgrounds everywhere and kids are involved in all social activities. It reminds me of my nieces and how much they would love it here. Every time I see kids playing or a smiling baby my heart aches for them a little bit more.

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Music I am Playing on Repeat.

There are sunflower fields everywhere here, my new friend stopped one day on the way home right in front of a field so we could get out to admire the flowers and take pictures. Young sunflowers grow at night or at least on the West side so that by morning time they are tilting facing East ready to follow the sun the next day. How magical is that?

The more challenging periods of life and those lower gears are hard to stay in but there is a lot of growth there and neutral is a good place to hang out even if it feels like standing still. And just like young sunflowers waiting, when the night is over and life gets a little lighter we can be ready to face the sun.

Tryna keep my mind at bay
Sunflower still grows at night
Waitin' for a minute 'til the sun's seen through my eyes

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I am interested in continuing my driving lessons when I return to Lincoln for a bit in the Fall. If you know of anyone who would be interested in being a driving teacher, please reach out to me. In exchange I will provide lively conversation and lots of coffees. :)